Conflict Management Styles

Assignment

After you have completed the assignment below, you will write a 3-5 page paper which will

describe your results in detail. Please ensure to relate back to the text for relevant use of

theories and constructs.

This paper should be written in an APA-Style format.

Your paper will be evaluated on the following:

 Content

 Grammar

 Structure and mechanics

 Relevance to the topic(s)

You will submit this paper to the appropriate Canvas assignment dropbox.

OWL Collaborating I win, you win

Owls highly value their own goals and relationships. They view conflict as a problem to be solved and to seek solution that achieves both their goals and the goals of the other person. Owls see conflicts as a means of improving relationships by reducing tensions between two persons. They try to begin a discussion that identifies the conflict as a problem. By seeking

solutions that satisfy both themselves and the other person, owls maintain the relationship. Owls are not satisfied until a solution is found that achieves their goals and the other person’s goals. They are not satisfied until the tensions and negative feelings have fully resolved.

Turtle Avoiding I zig, you zag

Turtles withdraw into their shells to avoid conflicts. They give up their goals and relationships, they stay away from the issues over which the conflict is taking place and from the persons

they are in conflict with. Turtles believe it is easier to withdraw from a conflict than to face it.

Shark Competing I win, you lose

Sharks try to overpower opponents by forcing them to accept their solution to the conflict. Their goals are highly important to them, and relationships are of minor importance. They seek to achieve their goals at all costs. They are not concerned with the needs of others and do not care if others like or accept them. Sharks assume that conflicts are settled by one person winning and one person losing. They want to be a winner. Winning gives sharks a sense of pride and achievement. Losing gives them a sense of weakness, inadequacy and

failure. They try to win by attaching, overpowering, overwhelming, and intimidating.

Teddy Bear Accommodating I lose, you win

To Teddy Bears, the relationship is of great importance while their own goals are of little importance. Teddy Bears want to be accepted and liked by others. They think that conflict

should be avoided in favor of harmony and that people cannot discuss conflicts without damaging relationships. They are afraid that if the conflict continues, someone will get hurt and that would ruin the relationship. Teddy Bears say “I’ll give up my goals and let you have what you want, in order for you to like me.” Teddy Bears try to smooth over the conflict out of

fear of harming the relationship.

Fox Compromising You bend, I bend

Foxes are moderately concerned with their own goals and their relationship with others. Foxes seek a compromise; they give up part of their goals and persuade the other person in a conflict to give up part of their goals. They seek a conflict solution in which both sides gain something; the middle ground between two extreme positions. They are willing to sacrifice part of their

goals and relationships in order to find agreement for the common good.

Conflict-Management Style

In this section you will have the opportunity to examine your own conflict-management

style and techniques you tend to use in conflict situations, particularly under stress. The

exercises that follow will enable you to gain insight in to strategies you might choose to

incorporate into your behavior in handling disputes and differences. Conflict-Management Style Survey

This Conflict-Management Style Survey has been designed to help you become more

aware of your characteristic approach, or style, in managing conflict. In completing this survey,

you are invited to respond by making choices that correspond with you typical behavior or

attitudes in conflict situations. Section 1: Survey

This survey identifies twelve situations that you are likely to encounter in your personal

and professional lives. Please study each situation and the five possible behavioral responses or

attitudes carefully and then allocate ten points between them to indicate your typical behavior,

with the highest number of points indicating you strongest choice. Any response can be

answered with from zero to ten points, as long as all five responses for a given situation add up

to ten points, as shown in the following example: EXAMPLE SITUATION: In responding to a request from another for help with a problem,

you would: 4

2

3

1

0

10

A. Clearly instruct him or her how to proceed.

B. Enjoy the strategizing and the challenge. C. Help him or her take responsibility for the problem. D. Find it unnerving but agree to help.

E. Avoid the invitation at all costs.

TOTAL

Please choose a single frame of reference (e.g., work-related conflicts, family conflicts,

social conflicts) and keep that frame of reference in mind when responding to all the

situations. And remember, as you complete this survey, that it is not a test. There are no right

or wrong responses. They survey will be helpful to you only to the extent that your responses

accurately represent your characteristic behavior or attitudes. SITUATION 1: Upon experiencing strong feelings in a conflict situation, you would:

_____ A. Enjoy the emotional release and sense of exhilaration and accomplishment.

_____ B. Enjoy the strategizing involved and the challenge of the conflict.

_____ C. Become serious about how others are feeling and thinking.

_____ D. Find it frightening because you do not accept that differences can be

discussed without someone’s getting hurt.

_____ E. Become convinced that there is nothing you can do to resolve the issue.

TOTAL

SITUATION 2: Consider the following statements and rate them in terms of how characteristic

they are of your personal beliefs:

_____ A. Life is conquered by those who believe in winning. _____ B. Winning is rarely possible in conflict.

_____ C. No one has the final answer to anything, but each has a piece to contribute.

_____ D. In the last analysis, it is wise to turn the other cheek.

_____ E. It is useless to attempt to change a person who seems locked into an

opposing view.

TOTAL

SITUATION 3: What is the best result that you expect from conflict?

_____ A. Conflict helps people face the fact that one answer is better than others.

_____ B. Conflict results in canceling out extremes of thinking so that a strong middle

ground can be reached.

_____ C. Conflict clears the air and enhances commitment and results.

_____ D. Conflict demonstrates the absurdity of self-centeredness and draws people

closer together in their commitment to each other.

_____ E. Conflict lessens complacency and assigns blame where it belongs.

TOTAL STIUATION 4: When you are the person with the greater authority in a conflict situation, you

would:

_____ A. Put it straight, letting the other know your view.

_____ B. Try to negotiate the best settlement you can get.

_____ C. Ask to hear the other’s feelings and suggest that a position be found that

both might be willing to try. _____ D. Go long with the other, providing support where you can.

_____ E. Keep the encounter impersonal, citing rules if they apply.

TOTAL SITUATION 5: When someone you care for takes an unreasonable position, you would:

_____ A. Lay it on the line, telling him or her that you don’t like it.

_____ B. Let him or her know in casual, subtle ways that you are not pleased; possibly

distract with humor; and avoid a direct confrontation.

_____ C. Call attention to the conflict and explore a mutually acceptable solution.

_____ D. Try to keep your misgivings to yourself.

_____ E. Let you actions speak for you by indicating depression or lack of interest.

TOTAL

SITUATION 6: When you become angry at a friend or colleague, you would:

_____ A. Just explode without giving it much thought.

_____ B. Try to smooth things over with a good story.

_____ C. Express your anger and invite him or her to respond.

_____ D. Try to compensate for your anger by acting the opposite of what you are

feeling.

_____ E. Remove yourself from the situation.

TOTAL

SITUATION 7: When you find yourself disagreeing with other members of a group on an

important issue, you would:

_____ A. Stand by your convictions and defend your position.

_____ B. Appeal to the logic of the group in the hope of convincing at least a majority

that you are right.

_____ C. Explore points of agreement and disagreement and the feelings of the group’s

member, and then search for alternatives that take everyone’s views into

account.

_____ D. Go along with the rest of the group.

_____ E. Not participate in the discussion and not feel bound by any decision reached.

TOTAL SITUATION 8: When a single group member takes a position in opposition to the rest of the

group, you would:

_____ A. Point out publicly that the dissenting member is blocking the group and

suggest that the group move on without him or her if necessary.

_____ B. Make sure the dissenting member has a chance to communicate his or her

objections so that a compromise can be reached.

_____ C. Try to uncover why the dissenting member views the issue differently, so

that the group’s members can reevaluate their own positions.

_____ D. Encourage the group’s members to set the conflict aside and go on to more

agreeable items on the agenda.

_____ E. Remain silent, because it is best to avoid becoming involved.

TOTAL SITUATION 9: When you see conflict emerging in a group, you would:

_____ A. Push for a quick decision to ensure that the task is completed.

_____ B. Avoid outright confrontation by moving the discussion toward a middle

ground.

_____ C. Share with the group your impression of what is going on, so that the nature of

the impending conflict can be discussed.

_____ D. Forestall or divert the conflict before it emerges by relieving the tension with

humor.

_____ E. Stay out of the conflict as long as it is of no concern to you.

TOTAL SITUATION 10: In handling conflict between your group and another, you would:

_____ A. Anticipate areas of resistance and prepare responses to objections prior to

open conflict.

_____ B. Encourage your group’s members to be prepared by identifying in advance

areas of possible compromise.

_____ C. Recognize that conflict is healthy and press for the identification of shared

concerns and/or goals.

_____ D. Promote harmony on the grounds that the only real result of conflict is the

destruction of friendly relations.

_____ E. Have your group submit the issue to an impartial arbitrator.

TOTAL

SITUATION 11: In selecting a member of your group to represent you in negotiating with

another group, you would choose a person who:

_____ A. Knows the rationale of your group’s position and would press vigorously for

your group’s point of view.

_____ B. Would see that most of your group’s judgments were incorporated into the

final negotiated decision without alienating too many members of either

group.

_____ C. Would best represent the ideas of your group, evaluate these in view of

judgments of the other group, and then emphasize problem-solving

approaches to the conflict.

_____ D. Is most skillful in interpersonal relations and would be openly cooperative

and tentative in his or her approach.

_____ E. Would present your group’s case accurately, while not making commitments

that might result in obligating your group to a significantly changed position.

TOTAL SITUATION 12: In your view, what might be the reason for the failure of one group to

collaborate with another?

_____ A. Lack of a clearly stated position, or failure to back up the group’s position.

_____ B. Tendency of groups to force their leadership or representatives to abide by

the group’s decision, as opposed to promoting flexibility, which would

facilitate compromise.

_____ C. Tendency of groups to enter negotiations with a win/lose perspective.

_____ D. Lack of motivation on the part of the group’s membership to live peacefully

with the other group.

_____ E. Irresponsible behavior on the part of the group’s leadership, resulting in the

leaders’ placing emphasis on maintaining their own power positions rather

than addressing the issues involved. TOTAL

Section 2: Scoring Step 1

When you have completed all items in Section 1, write the number of points you assigned for

each of the five responses for the twelve situations in the appropriate columns on the scoring

form (figure 26). Add the total number of points for each column, then check that the totals for

each column add up to 120. Step 2 Transfer your column total scores onto the form showing the ideal order (figure 27). Step 3 Transfer the style names, in order of the highest score first, on the figure 28, which shows your

order, and then enter the scores in the adjacent blank spaces. Step 4 Record your scores in the appropriate blanks on the Conflict-Management Styles Scoring Graph

(figure 29). (You may wish to refresh your memory by reviewing the material describing the

five conflict styles presented earlier in the subsection entitled A Two-Dimensional Model of

Conflict.)

Situation Response Response Response Response Response Total

A B C D E

1 10

2 10

3 10

4 10

5 10

6 10

7 10

8 10

9 10

10 10

11 10

12 10

TOTAL: 120

Figure 26. Scoring form.

STYLE Score

1. Collaborator (Column C)

2. Compromiser (Column B)

3. Accommodator (Column D)

4. Controller (Column A)

5. Avoider (Column E)

TOTAL:

Figure 27. Ideal order.

Choice Style Score

1st

2nd

3rd

4th

5th

TOTAL:

Figure 28. Your order.

Competing/Controlling is assertive and uncooperative – an individual pursues his

or her own concerns at the other person’s expense. This is a power-oriented mode,

in which one uses whatever power seems appropriate to win one’s own position –

one’s ability to argue, one’s rank, economic sanctions. Competing might mean

“standing up for your rights,” defending a position which you believe is correct, or

simply trying to win.

Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative – the opposite of competing. When

accommodating, an individual neglects his or her own concerns to satisfy the

concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode.

Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying

another person’s order when one would prefer not to, or yielding to another’s point

of view.

Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative – the individual does not immediately

pursue his own concerns or those of the other person. He or she does not address

the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue,

postponing an issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening

situation.

Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative – the opposite of avoiding.

Collaborating involves an attempt to work with the other person to find some

solution which fully satisfies the concerns of both persons. It means digging into

an issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two individuals and to find an

alternative which meets both sets of concerns. Collaborating between two persons

might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other’s

insights, concluding to resolve some condition which would otherwise have them

competing for resources, or confronting and trying to find a creative solution to an

interpersonal problem.

Compromising is intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The

object is to find some expedient, mutually acceptable solution which partially

satisfies both parties. It falls on a middle ground between competing an

accommodating. Compromising gives up more than competing but less than

accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly than avoiding, but

doesn’t explore it in as much depth as collaborating. Compromising might mean

splitting the difference, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground

position.

10

9 Accommodator – 3

Collaborator – 1

8

(Yield-lose/win) (Win/win)

*Score:____________ *Score:____________

• Low goal orientation • High goal orientation

7 • High relationships orientation • High relationships orientation

6 Compromiser – 2

Concern

(Mini-win/mini-lose)

for 5

*Score:____________

relationships • Negotiated goal orientation

4 • Negotiated relationships

orientation

3 Avoider – 5 Controller – 4

(Leave-lose/win) (Win/lose)

2

*Score:___________ *Score:____________

• Low goal orientation • High goal orientation

• Low relationships orientation • Low relationships orientation

1

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Concern for personal goals

Managing Conflict through Communication

Fifth Edition

DuDlEy D. Cahn Professor Emeritus

State University of New York, New Paltz

Ruth anna abigail Professor Emeritus

Azusa Pacific University

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Editor in Chief: Ashley Dodge Senior Acquisitions Editor: Melissa Mashburn Editorial Assistant: Megan Hermida Executive Marketing Manager: Kelly May Marketing Coordinator: Theresa Rotondo Senior Digital Media Editor: Paul DeLuca Digital Media Editor: Lisa Dotson Production Manager: Fran Russello Full Service Project Coordination: Shylaja Gattupalli / Jouve India Private Limited Art Director: Jayne Conte Cover Designer: Karen Salzback Cover images: Fotolia: © Michael Brown Printer/Binder: Courier Companies Inc.

Credits and acknowledgments borrowed from other sources and reproduced, with permission, in this textbook appear on the appropriate page within text.

© Ruth Anna Abigail/Pearson Education, pages 18, 33, 136, 180, 272; © Dudley D. Cahn/ Pearson Education, pages 20, 58, 62, 99.

Copyright © 2014, by Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. Manufactured in the United States of America. This publication is protected by Copyright, and permission should be obtained from the publisher prior to any prohibited reproduction, storage in a retrieval system, or transmission in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or likewise. To obtain permission(s) to use material from this work, please submit a written request to Pearson Education, Inc., Permissions Department, One Lake Street, Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458, or you may fax your request to 201‐236‐3290.

Library of Congress Cataloging‐in‐Publication Data Cahn, Dudley D.

Managing conflict through communication / Dudley D. Cahn, Ruth Anna Abigail.—5th ed. p. cm.

Ruth Anna Abigail appears as the first named author on the previous edition. ISBN 978-0-205-86213-9 — ISBN 0-205-86213-6

1. Conflict (Psychology) 2. Interpersonal conflict. 3. Conflict management. I. Abigail, Ruth Anna. II. Title.

BF637.I48L85 2013 303.6—dc23

2012037218

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1—CRW— 15 14 13 12

ISBN 13: 978-0-205-86213-9 ISBN 10: 0-205-86213-6

iii

Preface ix

PART I Managing the Conflict Process

CHAPTER 1 introduction to the Study of Conflict Communication 1

Objectives 1

Key Terms 1

What This Textbook Offers You 2

The Nature of Conflict 3 Defining Interpersonal Conflict 3 The Inevitability of Conflict 5

Conflict Management 7 Defining Conflict Management

as a Skill 7 Linear and Transactional Approaches

to Communication 8 Destructive and Productive Conflict

Communication Processes 11 Negative View of Conflict 17 Learning to Respect Others: Civility as a

Response to Conflict 20

Manage It 22

Exercises 24

Notes 27

CHAPTER 2 Communication Options in Conflict 29

Objectives 29

Key Terms 29

C o n T E n T s

Intangible Conflict Issues 30

Conflict Communication Options 32

Dysfunctional Conflict Cycles 32 Avoiding/Accommodating Conflict

Communication as an Option 33 Competitive Conflict Communication as an

Option 37 Passive–Aggressive Communication as an

Option 39

Functional Conflict Cycles 42 Compromising Conflict Communication as an

Option 42 Collaborating Conflict Communication as an

Option 42 Avoiding Early Compromising 43

Collaboration: The Preferred Approach 43 Low Personal and Relationship

Stress 47 High Personal and Relationship Growth and

Satisfaction 48

Communication Considerations: Choosing the Appropriate Communication Option 48 The Occasion (Including Time and

Location) 48 The Other Person 49 Your Needs 49

Manage It 50

Exercises 51

Notes 53

CHAPTER 3 Managing Conflict from a theoretical Perspective 55

Objectives 55

Key Terms 55

iv Contents

PART II breaking the Cycle of Escalation

CHAPTER 5 Managing Violent tendencies 109

Objectives 109

Key Terms 109

Why Are People Violent? 110 Culture of Violence Theory 110 General Aggression Model 110

Interpersonal Violence Defined 111 Identifying the Potentially Violent Conflict

Communicator 111 Verbal Abuse 112 Nonverbal Aggression (Physical

Violence) 113 Gender Differences 113

Two Types of Interpersonal Violence 114 The Interpersonal Violence Cycle 114 The “Chilling Effect” Cycle 115

Communication Approaches to the Study of Interpersonal Violence 117 The Communicator Personality Trait

Approach 117 The Communication Cognition Approach 118 The Communication Interaction

Approach 121

Conflict May Be Inevitable but Violence Is Not 122 Dealing with Patriarchal Violence 123 Dealing with Parental Violence 123 Dealing with Alcohol and Jealousy 124 Dealing with Violence in the Workplace 126

Manage It 128

Exercises 129

Notes 131

CHAPTER 6 Managing the Conflict Climate 134

Objectives 134

Key Terms 134

Intrapersonal Theories of Conflict 56 Psychodynamic Theory 57 Attribution Theory 61 Uncertainty Theory 63

Relationship Theories of Conflict 66 Social Exchange Theory 66 Systems Theory 70

Manage It 72

Exercises 73

Notes 76

CHAPTER 4 Responding to Conflict: a Practical guide to Managing your Own

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